Is This Helping at All? When Counseling Feels Hard

“I leave the counseling room, but my heart feels no lighter. The questions raised seem to weigh more heavily than the comfort they’re meant to bring. I find myself asking, ‘Shouldn’t I feel some relief? Why does this hurt more than it heals?’ Each session feels like peeling back layers, only to reveal more pain, more brokenness. It’s discouraging, and I wonder if this path is helping at all. I expected counseling to bring answers—or at least some relief—but instead, my emotions feel sharper. I wanted peace, but I feel exposed and vulnerable, unsure where this process is taking me.”

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When Counseling Feels Hard

This scenario captures the wrestling of someone addressing deep wounds in counseling. They might have expected immediate clarity or relief, but instead, the process feels lengthy and disorienting. These feelings—confusion, doubt, or even regret—may lead to questions like, “why am I even doing this?”

Counseling is rarely linear, but it should be purposeful. When counseling is hard, it’s essential to discern the goals and effectiveness of counseling, especially when it feels discouraging.

Defining Goals

In counseling work, I emphasize establishing clear goals with clients. Goals act as anchors—a way to measure progress and maintain hope amidst challenges. Counseling often feels like wandering through uncharted territory before arriving at a place of clarity.

Psalm 34:18 offers comfort in moments of doubt: “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” God meets us in our pain and uses trials to refine us, producing endurance and hope (Romans 5:3–5). Like a wound being cleaned before it can heal, uncovering buried pain often feels sharp before it soothes.

Discomfort Does Not Mean Failure

It’s easy to mistake discomfort for failure in the counseling process. When old patterns resurface or progress seems slow, we may think, “I thought I was better. Why is this happening again?” But these moments are not setbacks; it is counseling doing it's work in you.

Hebrews 12:11 reminds us, “no discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” True transformation requires stepping into unfamiliar and uncomfortable territory, trusting that God is working in us even when we can’t see it.

While discomfort is often part of growth, counseling should never feel harmful or unsafe. Be cautious of any these red flags that might cause undue discouragement in the counseling process:

• Judgmental or Condescending: we should feel accepted and respected.

• Impersonal or Transactional: counseling is about authentic connection, not just completing tasks.

• Hopeless or Defeating: counseling should offer hope and encouragement, no matter our circumstance or personality.

• Manipulative or Coercive: the counseling process should empower us to make our own choices.

• Overwhelming or Rushed: true progress takes time; pressure does not bring healing.

• Unethical or Breaching Trust: confidentiality and respect for personal rights are foundational and offer necessary protections.

• Focused Solely on Problem-Solving: counseling should address deeper emotional, relational, and spiritual stories.

Healthy counseling reflects God’s care for the whole person—body, mind, and spirit. It should align with his truth and character. Look for these marks of purpose-driven counseling:

• A Safe and Trusting Relationship: we feel heard and understood.

• Empowering Growth: counseling equips us to face challenges with resilience.

• Addressing Root Issues: discussions go beyond surface symptoms to deeper knowledge of our worldviews and beliefs.

• Grounded in Biblical Wisdom: scripture shapes the approach, pointing to God’s redemptive work.

• Challenging Yet Encouraging: hard truths are shared with empathy and hope.

• Goal-Oriented and Purposeful: progress is intentional and guided by clear, mutually agreed upon objectives.

Engaging the Process

Counseling is more than just addressing struggles—it’s about walking a path of healing with honesty, grace, and community. True restoration happens when we acknowledge pain, engage in the process with patience, and allow trusted relationships to support us. Healing isn’t about rushing to a solution but about embracing growth through questions and information, even when it’s slow. As we navigate this journey, we’re reminded that knowing ourselves deeply happens in the context of connection, vulnerability, and a willingness to keep moving forward.

Cheering you on,